over and out

=) happy new year 2010, new start, new beginnings~!

Current thoughts

Just saw this shout out in facebook:

"It's because I love you I had to let you go. Please forget me."

It then reminds me... if both parties love each other, and both wanting to free the other, then doesn't this means, both parties were actually killing each other and making each other feeling miserable? I know I am. I am still unsure of my past own doings, whether it was right or wrong but one thing for sure I can't undo it. Not like Microsoft Office, I can undo nearly 99% of whatever wrong typings I did.

Time passed, I thought I was ok with it, but I guess I am not. I can't keep you out of my mind, I can't forget you. Free-ing you isn't free-ing me. I was caged, am still caged. Because of the feelings I still have for you, I can't accept others or give myself another chance in trying to love someone else because, you are in my heart. The past, the present and the future.

People says time heals, yes it does. Not as pain as when it truly happened but doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore... Sighs~ YAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!! Shut it in, burry it down, lock lock lock lock~

22nd Birthday~

So... my 22nd birthday coming up! Lolz and since it is so popular for bloggers to blog about what they want for their birthday in this new emerging era, I will follow the trend. I think this save my friends' time and mind from trying to figure out what I want... no?

Here goes:

(ps: if you want to give me something cause you are a fan of mine but not my friend, you are welcome to do so ;) haha) ... except... you have nonsense in your mind @@

• professional lsd camera? those bulky black camera that can take wonderful photos 0.0
• dinner gown that covers my fat legs, make me look taller, accentuate my waist and bare my back =)
• comfortable heels and yet stunningly beautiful... hard to find a pair that have both of this qualities...
• dinner bag, cute and creative... yet also useful...
• jacket/coat... those new trendy coats for social/office wear =)
• jewellery... genuine stuffs please because... those who knows me well... my body do not handle silver well... as in not that I will get allergy reactions, but because those won't last long on me... colour changes or breakage n stuffs... so you will only see me wear a few times and it will be gone @@
• hrm what else? basically I have all I want ;) haha
• the last and the best and the most affordable one: everyone of you, meet up with me to play ice-skating at Sunway Piramid!

-The End-

PPS: Randomly blog to update my blog @@

Remains...

'...like this broken, ruined thing, and no matter how much work we do to fix it, it will never be as good as what we had before.' (Dunn 2004, p. 163).

Dunn, S. 2004, The Big Love: Have You Found Yours?, Penguin Group, London.

Foood!

My nasi lemak prepared by aunt so that I could have a good lunch at uni =)

Vietnam fir? Medium cooked beef!!! I like =D I love the raw-ness XD

Indonesian curry chicken? Forgotten the name =p Nice and yummy... Tender tights XD

Today's lunch at a Malaysian restaurant... SUCKS!!!

My gelato-ness... Not as nice as Gelatissino's

Relationship?

It has been nearly 3 months of me being single. The definition of single in my context means that I lost the authority to say I am in a relationship, authority to say I have a boyfriend, to lost someone dear whereby I would not be in the position I wanted to be in. My way of expressing myself in words tend to fluctuate to a degree whereby I can't even understand what I am trying to express...

Nothing really change in my life except that I am not in the position to call one person whenever I have the urge to call, and even if I do call, my call might not be welcomed and therefore I always resist to call. Next on line, that I used to call whenever I needed someone I could talk to would be T but somehow that seems out of the question because of how I felt like I am a depressing girl with only depressing thoughts which in a way drive people away from me.

Luckily now I have J who I can call but then my credit for this month is nearing to an end therefore I can't call anyone to chat like I wanted to which end up me having thoughts in my mind to myself, which I would have preferred if it could actually automate and transfer themselves as posts in this blog of mine therefore allowing me to read them in an organized and clear manner.

It is surprising to me to feel like a failure for a period of time and then to have like 'I am loved' kind of feeling. If someone comes up to me and express their feelings towards me and asked me to be their girlfriend... will I accept it and accept them and to be in a relationship again? I am not sure whether a part of me is still hanging on to the fact that my ex and I might have another chance in the near future. Maybe a part of me hope so, subconsciously but I know it would be impossible... right?

Anyway, why hang on? I have no idea why... or maybe I do. I love him too damn much. Love or obsession? How do you differentiate this two? I do not stalk him like a lunatic right? It has been years so it could be hard to let go, and also the fact that I can't understand a lot of things about the break up which makes me so uncertain what went wrong and how it can turn out so wrong...

I might portray myself as a cheerful girl but I think if you do follow my blog, somehow I am not that kind of girl these days? I lost my love, I lost my goal, my driving force to live life to the fullest. Or maybe I emphasis too much on love in my life that I neglect other important aspect of life... and what is that then?

Well if loving someone so deeply don't get me anywhere then why do so and hurt so many people on the way? Why? I have a better solution. Make life simple and make the person who loves you be happy. Maybe you will be too? So maybe, when I am ready, and during the right time, you asked me the question, for me to be your girlfriend, I might, with the inclusion of the fact that you really seriously LOVE me.

Because I do believe in developing feelings and love for a person by communication, interaction and to get to know a person deeper. When you fell in love with someone, it gets deeper when time passes. It is the same thing of being friends, then couples, and slowly to the next level. Feelings develop over time. Like how I can like you now and love you tomorrow. Just that distance, in a way, act as an obstacle which restrain the communication part and therefore from friends people can be stranger once again, and so from couples to friends...

I sound like a lunatic now. Bless me @@

Another...

And today, I am mistaken as a Burmese =) Counting on!

Birthdays

I just read a friend's blog and she will be turning 21 soon... I am scared. Time flies. If I am to live till 44 years old then it means I will be middle age by 4 months time ;( How cruel is life? Sighs... and is the world coming to an end soon? If only someone can confirm it and not merely saying so. Life's like that hurh? Nothing but unpredictability...

Looking for part-time job

Heya peepz, I am looking for a part-time job while studying here in Sydney. So if you have a vacancy for me, just drop me an email or comment and I will get back to you. Basically, I am an all-rounder. Even if I do not have the qualifications or basics for the job, I learn fast, so shouldn't be a problem. I just need coaching for the first few shifts and I am good to go. So far, all my employers are very satisfied with me, my work and everything else. I am an employee that every employer needs ;)

-i have faith you will find me-

1st October 2009

Aunt took me out for yamcha today at Sunny Restaurant.

Oh I love this new shoes =) Kawaii XD

Siu Mai!!! It has been a long time since I had this... Oh and the other dish was fried small fishies?

Octopus =)

Ha Kao aka Prawn Kao? XD

Yummy~

And part of the bill. In the end, we ordered 8 different dishes and the bill costs us $34.93 (we somehow got 15% discount and I have no idea why? ;) )

Tiny egg tart =) I still prefer Min Kok's egg tarts ;(

The coloured tea =.="""

Although they seem to use natural stuffs in the teapot?

More stuffs =p

And we went to Big W to walk around...

My camwhoring starts @@

I somehow got an idea. Since I think I have passion in interior designing, fashion and photography... I might as well design my own line of clothes, make them, open up a boutique and use myself as the model =p I will interior design my own boutique, special lighting, and hang potraits of me around the walls. I need professional make-up artist and a professional photographer or me myself to shoot photographs of me in the clothes I designed =P Cool? XD I can be my own model... I don't look too bad... I have ok figure... I just need enhancement like make-up artist and professional photographer skills =D

-dreaming-